To be said to the tune of “dreams” by Cliff Richard*

An interesting observation from a recent lesson…

I was with a student and was talking a little about frame control. The more I spoke the more it reminded me of times I’ve had to have a strong frame, e.g.:

– The Italian who blew me out four times in a row before she finally capitulated
– Another Italian (what is it with these guys?) who said “stop negging me”, and then began to take apart what I was doing, bit by bit. I held my frame like a pro.
– Another Italian (now you know my type) who tried to scare me off by yapping incessantly (she later told me she was just seeing if I could handle her). Frame held.

But more than this, the hundreds or thousands of times over the years I have allowed my frame to crumble. Like knocking over a stack of empty baked bean tins.

There are essentially two frames going on in a daygame set:

Your frame: Hey lady, I’m here to chat you up, it’s your lucky day!
Her frame: I’m in a rush, I’ve got a busy life, I don’t have time to be stopped by people on the street – leave me alone.

This is why if you go in and speak quickly, struggling to get your words out, you buy into her frame: game over.

So what else can you do to buy into her frame?

– Stop her weakly, with “side on” body language
– Over-gesture and be over-friendly
– Apologise (verbally or not) for your presence.
– etc.

And what can you do to buy into your own frame?

– Take your time
– Speak slowly and in no hurry
– Have open, strong body language, like a policemen stopping someone
– Etc. (this is not a well researched post!)

I think of it like a little game of ping pong – what you’re doing when you first learn is surviving one more shot each time – that’s progress! Basically you’re goal is to extend the rally!

So you fire your frame at her. Good start. You’ve reached the level of opening. If you’re lucky and you’ve done a good forehand, she won’t return the shot. In. Yes. If she does fire her frame back at you, and your bat isn’t at the ready… ouch. Game over. If you do make the shot back, the rally continues. “my frame”, “no, my frame”, “my frame”, “no, my frame”, “my frame”, “no, my frame”, “my frame”, “no, my frame”, and you just calmly return the shot each time. Nothing flashy, just get it over the net, the simpler the shot the better… bide your time and she’ll miss eventually…. That’s game. Daygame. Gaydame Daygame.

Off for an insta or number close with texts and you’re into the second game… and… serve! Eventually to the bedroom for another round…. just keep calmly returning those shots and….

You gamed your set and she was a match.

Game. Set. Match.

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