Hello and welcome to a series dedicated to those lightbulb moments, those moments when something “clicked”. I’ll be sharing 5 major gamechangers for me to hopefully encourage and inspire you. Especially those of you who are struggling, in a bad place or trough, or can’t see the light. Just keep going, and these “clicks” will come! I’ll release a new one every Friday and Tuesday!
Here’s #1 – my first, proper, balls-out-to-hell-with-it approach, from way back in October 2010, my second month into what people are calling “daygame”
Here we go:
“Excuse me, have you got the time?……. I couldn’t help but notice you had a ring on that middle finger… that means….”
“Excuse me, do you know if there’s a starbucks round here?… You look like you’re in banking…. [wink wink, nudge nudge, cheeeeky!]”
Why does indirect game feel so uncomfortable to me? In a post break-up, heartbreak world you (if you’re me, which you aren’t, but for the sake of this post let’s say you are) tend to question your whole person, life and direction. This I did, and being a typical male, I looked for linear answers to my problems.
To cut a long intro short (there is a field report coming up, promise!), I came across a book by Tony Robbins called “Awaken the Giant within”. One of the exercises is to list your most important values. Top of my list was honesty and integrity. Is it any wonder that going up to girls and asking them things I had no interest in made me feel uncomfortable?
Then it hit me when I was out “daygaming” (why does it need to be an event?) a couple of weeks ago with my friend and this really hot-looking girl passed us – you know from the way she walks that she would be a truly heroic fuck (among other things) – and my mate said “you or me?” Now, being a yellow-bellied malingerer, my internal critic immediately said (for some reason it has the voice of Michael Winner, so do the impression for the next bit, if you can):
No, you can’t do it! Get Kunal to do it – get him to, he’s good! That way you can watch with no fear of anything, don’t you do it, you’ll mess up!
But in a enlightningment of spontaneity another bit of my noggin piped up and said:
“Fuck it” I said and went after her, with no thoughts going through my head at all (and I’m always thinking!)
Out in front. Yad stop TM. Smile. Excuse me… this is a bit random [true], [pause] I saw you from over there and had to come and say this [true]. You look fucking hot [true], but you’re dressed like aboriginal school-girl vampiress [true]… and on we go – laughing (lots of it), number close within 5-10 minutes, but it could have been sooner… and then she texts me for a day 2!
Right, you know when you’re walking along and suddenly you’re touched by the holy spirit and the voice of the Lord speaks to you as a single beam of sunlight illuminates you in the warmth of wisdom? Yeah? Well, it was like that, except God said to me:
this is the commandment (forget the rest, they’re shit): THOU SHALT BE CONGRUENT
The Daygame gurus talk about the importance of congruence, but even then I think it is really underestimated! Now, I’m not much good at night game, so maybe you need to be incongruent there, but (as far as I can see) in day game there’s no need – you can literally be yourself, and say what you think – you really can!
Since embracing congruence and being direct my approach fear is all but gone – all that’s left is… “I wonder what’s going to happen when I tell her this – looking forward to finding out!”
A great deal has changed for me since then – I’ve gone up, down, and everywhere in between. Right now I’m cruising on automatic. This may not last!
But this was the first game-changer, when everything flipped upside-down and inside out!
Here are some other phrases to describe this:
But these are just words, and understanding them in your brain is 1% of the journey. The 99% is in the feeling. When you feel them… oh, baby!!
Join me next time for another Gamechanger and subscribe to my fucking blog already