I think this is one of the toughest aspects of the whole game. In fact, it’s one of the toughest aspects of life to get your head around. In fact, it’s impossible to get your head around it, and that’s the challenge.
One of the greatest benefits of daygame is that it teaches you to know yourself. There’s nothing like repeatedly putting yourself out there and putting your balls on the line many times a day to help teach you who you are. As you chip away all the bullshit you’ve been brought up with, you slowly slowly ever so slowly begin to trust yourself. You trust that you will feel what to do, and when. You will begin to surprise yourself, the more you let go on control through your mind.
When people start this stuff, they always want advice – what to do, what to say, when to do it, how to do it. You can give that advice (indeed, I do give that advice on a regular basis), but the ultimate purpose of that advice is to distract your mind and let your being loose. No body believes they can achieve this state without struggle and work. But it takes no struggle and work, it only takes letting go. But the mind can’t accept that, so I give it lots of work to do!
This is not an easy task, it’s one I struggle with even now. But the more I advance, the more I learn to trust myself, but even now I sometimes still think “maybe Yad knows better, maybe Tom Torero knows better…” Well, he doesn’t. He may be able to give technical tips and tricks that can seem to help, but he isn’t you. He can’t be you and he can’t know you, the you deep down underneath anything. You are the greatest expert on that, and Tom, Tony Robbins, and I all know nothing compared to you on that subject. The ultimate mastery lies in one sing rule. If I had one single commandment to write in stone, it would be:
Always be congruent
And there are only two things you need to get to this level. They sound easy, but of course they are not, because they require that you confront yourself, and accept yourself. This is the hardest thing to do. They are:
1. Know yourself
2. Trust yourself
Hitting this level has led to amazing things recently – effortlessly cracking the same day threesome, bringing back two girls to my house on the trot, one evening to the next, both of which I thought I had screwed up (there’s that pesky thinking again!). The point is not these achievements, that doesn’t matter. The point is the effortlessness and flow with which they happened. And this is not about internalizing a system. Don’t think that, because it isn’t. This I can say with confidence. It’s about learning, bit by bit, to trust yourself. It’s not about trusting that I’ll know what to do, it’s about trusting that I’ll feel what to do. (And don’t think that this is just about attracting women, either. Learning to trust myself has transformed everything, and will continue to.)
An example. I recently had a day 2 (can we call it date, please?) with one of the threesome girls who I wanted to see again. I thought I had made two errors with her: firstly over-investing in messages with her and second allowing her to manipulate me into promising a particularly adventurous day 2. When I met up with her in the first venue, I went for a piss and said to myself in the toilets: “ok, you’ve got to make it more sexual now, you’ve got to get her to invest more and get her to connect about her feelings and ambitions, it’s not going how it should, you should have made a plan…” etc. etc. As I stood at the urinal, looking at the wall, I had the by now familiar and sublimely beautiful feeling again. My mind just stopped, and I felt inside myself the feeling that says “trust”. I returned to the date with this feeling, all thoughts about strategy out the window. I was relaxed, and I allowed the evening to flow. This doesn’t mean I didn’t take the lead, of course I did, but doing it was effortless. I was so involved in my senses and not in my mind that I saw opportunities, I knew when to close, when to escalate, when to dominate when to push, when to step back. In fact, I didn’t know when to do this, I felt when to do it. It’s hard to describe, but because you’re not putting in mental effort, it feels like you’re not doing anything. This may be the power of the subconscious or whatever, but all I know is this: there is an intelligence in your which is far deeper than your mind – it is more powerful than thoughts, ideas and concepts and these things can only point to it (including the thought and concepts I am writing right now!).
This is such an important difference, and it’s so hard to communicate.
I firmly believe that learning this daygame thing is about learning that – learning to trust yourself, learning to know yourself. Learning to feel your way though, not know your way through. I know I keep repeating myself, but this is very nearly impossible to understand on a mental level. We always believe that tactics are the answer, tips the solution, systems are reliable. But they are all child’s play, compared to the power you have within.
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