Letting go

It’s always good to have slogans in life, to act as anchors for good states you’ve been in, and good experiences you’ve had, so I’ll share the few that I’ve had over the years, just in case it resonates with you!

1. Fuck it
This was my first revelation, the act of abandoning analysing and chucking yourself in – the “fuck it” attitude is great for just seeing what happens, and taking yourself less seriously. “Ah, fuck it” is the cry of many a breakthrough

2. Give
This is often misunderstood by people who don’t get it and who consider it a form of self-delusion. But this is an important psychological shift in this game. The mindset of always trying to get something from an interaction (sex) results in fewer successes, more conflict and strife, and a great outcome-dependance. It also generates a lowering of self-respect and a distancing of yourself from yourself, resulting in a dualism where you have to overcome yourself to get ahead, instead of being yourself.

Instead, once you cultivate an attitude of “I’m going to give this girl an amazing experience”, and mean and know it, your time out there flows more easily, as does success.

3. Just Do It
Apparently the slogan of some company or other, this is real outcome independence, you may go through the thoughts, the limiting beliefs, the conflict, the self-doubt, the “what if she’s…” etc. etc. and after all that just declare: “Just Do It.” It’s an acceptance that you don’t want to, and because of that acceptance, you end up doing it anyway. Feel the fear and do it anyway, as one self-help lady once put it.

4. Let go
This is my latest slogan – it has been carefully cultivated through approaching, meditation and doing and trying things which I’m woefully under-qualified to do (from the outside). For example, I returned to stand-up the other day after a 10 year gap, and because of this mind-set I enjoyed it in a way I hadn’t previously – by letting go, not looking for laughs and being me, I had an outcome independence which made the gig a success – all by letting go.

But what is “letting go” and how do you do it? Well, not letting go starts in your body and as Eckhart Tolle asks: “how do you let go of a pen you’re holding?” With me, holding on starts in my gut and my heart (I mean literally and physically my gut and heart). By letting go of that area physically, my shoulders, arms and head go and then my mind follows naturally. In this state you find a peace. Religious people call it “the peace of God”, Milan Kundera called it the “unbearable lightness of being”, but it all points towards an empty, non-chattering mind and a total engagement with the present moment, that is, reality.

This is why when students say I’m brave or have “balls of steel” they’re wrong – it’s not bravery because there is nothing to fear. Going to war is bravery. Swimming the channel is bravery. This guy is bravery

I just let go.

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