Most guys who get into this are intelligent. Really intelligent – analytical, educated – problem solvers. Crosswords, equations, Sudoku. Indeed, in a society and culture which has an over-emphasis on the power of the neocortex in matters where it is a hindrance, they look to more thinking, more problem solving and using their mind to overcome their mind.
This results in a plethora of yet more over-thinking: positive thinking, visualizing, telling yourself this or that, working out systems, planning what to do and say, contingencies, flow-charts – more boxes, more labels.
Use of the neocortex is all very well when building cities, making internets and developing healthcare – but it can sure fuck things up when over-employed in natural processes such as child-rearing, sleeping, taking a shit and – of course – attracting a mate. (See Brad Blanton’s Radical Honesty, Jean Liedloff’s The Continnum Concept, Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, the Buddha, or anything by pretty much any spiritual philosopher ever written – including the core spiritual tenets of most religions). It is, however, good for social convention, so I’m not dissing thinking altogether – in many aspects of attraction it’s completely necessary.
But talk to “naturals” about what they think about, how much they think and plan, what their strategy is, their techniques chances are they’ll respond: “dude, you think too much.”
This is why I do use techniques and strategies with my students – they believe they need them more than they actually do, and all this is a red-herring, designed to keep their minds occupied while the good work goes on developing what’s underneath – the source of instincts, intuitive feelings and expression, before – that is – we’re taught to suppress and mistrust it all by the insanely odd society we live in.
The question: “what should I say to…” betrays this misattribution of the intellectual – more thinking to overcome the thinking.
The quickest and best way to master this is to become as dumb as possible, by which I mean, thoughtless. Less thought. Repetition of “throwing yourself in” is a great way to do this, because with time you replace one habitual pattern with another:
See attractive girl -> reticular activation system stimulated -> arousal -> mind kicks in -> come up with a plan -> run simulation in mind -> simulate negative outcome -> feel rejection emotionally -> use mind to rationalize emotion with apparently logical reasons not to approach -> don’t approach -> no learning
See attractive girl -> reticular activation system stimulated -> arousal -> approach -> learning.
The difference, as you can see, is the elimination of thought. Your attention can only ever be in one place: it’s either in your thoughts, in your body, or out there, in your environment. This is why I say:
Get dumb – lose your mind and come to your senses.
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