As much as I see the MRA and the feminazi movements as different sides of the same grubby coin (the coin’s name is the NO EMPATHY COIN) I think that the #YesAllWomen hashtag and other recent trends, have highlighted some cultural norms which are good to challenge. I like challenging cultural norms – that’s why I write this blog and do what I do! We are living in a time of huge change – there’s no doubt about it. Social media toys are fueling revolutions, at home norms we’ve taken for granted for ages are being rightly questioned.
Here are some norms they challenge, and how it relates to what we do (click through to see what twitter says):
Cat-calling “HEY LOVE SHOW US YOUR TITS!!” I think that any guy who says “that’s just harmless” probably hasn’t been cat-called. And when a women says “I hate it when men do that to me” they may actually mean “I hate it when men do that to me.” Not “I’m flattered but don’t want to admit it” as some idiot men have claimed.
But recently, this is the video everyone’s talking about
The most annoyingly predictable response has actually been from PUAs, MRA groups, Anti-feminists and the like who duplicate their nasty little habit of getting literal and boringly unnuanced in their assessment of the situation. Specifically they say:
“What’s wrong with saying hello?”
This statement reveals either an ignorance, willful ignorance or outright hypocrisy, none of which I shall stomach. Anyone who’s got any social sense at all knows that what you say is of very little importance. How you say it and from what source you speak are the key. Even the people who defend some guy’s right to yell “hello” know this at some level. It is not the saying hello which is important, it is the fact that hello means “I want your attention as I try to fuck you” and the way it is said also implies “I have a right to say this and you have a duty – yes duty – to respond.”
I don’t know what it’s like to walk through a city and be hollered at to this extent. But I have an idea. Walking through London, I am frequently hounded by the homeless, beggars, big issue sellers, religious evangelists, charity muggers and the endless stream of people wanting to sell me shit as I walk innocently along the street. I take these irritations as part of the cost of living in a society. For the protections and cultural and economic advantages of living in the metropolis I have to make certain sacrifices: I have to give the government money which I don’t want to give them, I have to obey certain laws I don’t want to obey and I have to put up with certain inconveniences and bullshit, and living in a big city like London, I just suck it up and take it.
No matter what you think of the NYC video, it is certainly true that this harassment of women is a problem and a cultural habit I don’t want to be associated with as a man. However, one of the major problems with the video is that it equates shouting “good evening, God bless” with following a woman down the road for 5 minutes, as if those actions are equal. Of course, they are not – and the feminists have unfortunately shot themselves in the foot. And it was foolish of the video makers to equate these because they have damaged the message by forcing male responders to throw the baby out with the bathwater – that is, because “hi, how are you” is judged to be okay (and the response to it an overreaction), so is following some poor girl for 5 minutes, making her feel extremely uncomfortable.
But let’s not kid ourselves that this problem is universal to all places. A recent similar experiment conducted in Auckland, NZ, reveals that this issue is not as all-pervasive as we might think:
I was having a long post-coital debate with a girlfriend about this. She expressed that she wants to be able to walk along the street without being bothered, hounded, stopped, yelled at, whistled to, objectified and addressed in a way that implies she has a duty to respond or give a shit. It’s not complimentary, it’s just annoying, offensive, invasive and often intimidating.
But, she said to me (and I quote),
You are the annoying exception to that rule.
We had met on the street when I stopped her – I did intrude upon her day, I did stop her, I did assume I could but I did it in such a way and from such a place that this was something she wanted.I saw her, ran over and expressed my attraction for her. I didn’t demand that she stop, and I didn’t care – I was only expressing myself, for myself, and she could feel it.
This is why I say for all the cat-calling, all the harassment, all the following, all the wolf-whistles, invasion, pestering and I’m-only-being-nice bullshit smokescreens for guys unsure of how to fulfill their desires which these videos hightlight; there is a cure…
Daygame is the cure.
The reason for this is that proper daygame is a holistic growth of a person – a rediscovering of a masculine core which treats women and all beings with respect, inasmuch as we acknowledge their right to exist and in the context of society in which we have all bought into, exist as free citizens. That means free of harassment. This is why daygame is not harassment – it is only communication.