Already by doing this malarkey we’re doing something odd, by which I mean something unusual. But that’s no bad thing! Most of what’s “usual” about society is perverse, unnatural and a little insane once you look at it objectively (that’s a long story… which I’m working on!)

One of these aspects is that there seems to be a socially conventional place to express your sexuality – in clubs, when a little (or a lot) drunk and dressed up. What we’re talking about here really is a socially endorsed zoo – “do not be sexual outside these walls, it’s not appropriate anywhere else”. The systems of control once again imposing on our naturally evolved desires and functions.

For we are all animals, we are all sexual creatures. Consequently a trouble a lot of my students have is expressing their sexuality outside of this environment, because it’s “weird”. Anything you do which goes against your cultural indoctrination will feel weird. But eventually “weird” becomes “liberating” because expressing your sexuality to someone you find attractive is the most natural thing in the world. And because it’s natural, it’s taboo.

Without a doubt, hands down, no exceptions, my greatest interactions in the cold light of sober real life daytime have been when my sexuality was most explicitly expressed, and I don’t mean in words. Words are child’s play – words are a recent development, words are a thing we only just made up as human beings, in the last 50 000 years or so (although it’s impossible to say, really). Compare that to the 6 odd million year development of our genus, and you can see why words just aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. So when you see that attractive potential mate, allow that feeling to come through, rather than suppressing it as society tells you to. It will provide you with great power. Anyone watching will say “wow, she was loving it!” but if they hear the content of the conversation they might say “wow… that was really boring!”

In short, if you have a semi-on during your interactions, well done.

So don’t wait for the club and the alcohol to give you permission to access the wonderful and awesome power of your sexual desire – it’s your desire, not society’s – and real freedom means expressing it when you feel the need to.

Another element of this is that I’m more and more convinced about the objectification that surrounds our society. The MRAs will often deny sexual objectification, but they have a lot to learn about using their empathy (or rather, undoing the social conditioning which suppresses it). If you step into the shoes of an attractive girl (or talk to them) you will find it’s everywhere. Why do they object to it? Can’t they take a compliment? The answer is that they, like all of us, want to feel human, not an object.

So by accessing our sexuality and expressing it honestly, openly and with feeling, rather than thinking, we begin to overcome the social conditioning and at the same time provide an antidote to the very real problem that is harassment and objectification.

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@gay_dame