“Offline Dating… Leave us the fuck alone”


It’s this kind of article which really encourages me to do what I do.

There is a great issue of catcalling and objectification in our culture. I recognise it and have written about it before.

I’ll start with this quote from the article:

The problem with this video, though, is that it romanticises a fundamentally flawed idea, which is that men are entitled to women’s time and attention, whenever they demand it.

I understand where this view comes from – men do have a cultural conditioning to give them this idea, at some level. Having watched the video I can see how desperately awkward it is – the frame is that the man is needily going up and begging for attention is both begun and maintained by the man. Horrible to watch and the puppy analogy is apt.

However, the question I ask is:

Is it possible to approach a woman like this “offline” without being a) seeking attention in an entitled way (I’m a man so you have to engage me) or b) seeking attention in a puppydog way, with this horrible Hugh-Grant-esque self-deprecating-beta-mode-2-cutesy-trash. You have a lot to answer for, Richard Curtis.

The answer, by the way, is yes. And it’s what I’m all about.

One being, attracted to another being, expressing his attraction to that other being. The most natural thing in the world. This is connection. The difference between “connecting” and “picking up”? Easy. It takes two to tango. It’s great for both of you and for the same reason. Connection. That’s it.

men don’t understand why [women are] weary of being accosted in the street by total strangers.

But the thing is that the women I approach aren’t weary, all the time I’m seeing guys approach not weary women! They’re delighted, they’re attracted, they’re turned on, they’re surprised, they’re wrapped up in the spontaneity of it, the sudden sense of connection so sadly absent in our society. How do I know this? Because they tell me, they tell me when we go on dates, when we’re in bed, when we’re lazing in a park together, they tell me even as I approach them.

This is why I say – and say again – that harassment is a real problem, and daygame is the cure.

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