There comes a time in every coach’s life when he says to a student: “you just gotta let go”
The problem with this is that it means a hell of a lot to the teacher (who has experienced letting go) but nothing to the student (who -you’ve guessed it- hasn’t). Even if you go on to explain it in detail – the physicality, the mindset, the freedom, the student can’t hear you because all these details become yet more instructions and techniques to be clutched onto like the proverbial drunk teenager and his toilet bowl.
So I offer one possibility to people who have been going at this for a while, approach regularly but get high flake rates or have hit a plateau.
Abandon your crutch.
The great comedian George Carlin had one special attribute – he abandoned his material and wrote a whole new hour of standup every year. To comedians who had been pedaling out the same material for years, this seemed crazy. But George is one of the finest stand up comedians of all time (IMHO). Because of this renewal, this shedding of the skin, he always felt fresh, his act felt relevant and young, even when he was knocking out hour long specials in his 70s. He was the David Bowie of music – always reinventing, never becoming stale.
It’s the same in the daygame game. Some people rely so heavily on their material that it becomes a crutch and eventually a total mood killer. On a sub-communication level, you know it and she knows it – it’s old material and saps your life, your spontaneity.
So, when someone tells you “let go”, that’s one thing to let go of – start again, with fresh, more spontaneous openers, without the daygame blueprint clichés. It’s uncomfortable for a while and you will fail more, but that’s excellent news – because you learn again, and progress is made. The best of everything I’ve ever seen has come from spontaneous, in-the-flow interactions and that’s what I suggest you do, especially if someone tells you to “let go”.
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