Your Higher Self and Daygame

Well, I’ve been away a long, long, long time. And there’s been a lot of drama in this world since, hasn’t there!

But that’s not for now. This is one of those posts where I’ve no idea how to start.

It all begins with a premise about your mind and yourself.

There is a relatively new form of therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS) developed by Dr Richard Schwartz. I first learned about this via David Tian – himself a former pickup coach turned life coach and therapist. David has a podcast called the Masculine Psychology podcast (cheesy, I know) and it was via this that I discovered IFS.

So what is IFS? In a seedshell, it’s the idea that you are not one – inside that brain of yours there are lots of different parts – many child parts, an angry part, a selfish part, a scared part and on and on. In IFS you learn to communicate with these parts because at any time throughout your life, these parts may take on burdens through trauma. For example, an 8 year old you who feels unloved may come forward and take over your life today, because that part of you believes you need protecting. The result? Needily texting that girl who’s broken up with you and just isn’t that interested. Yelling at the person who leaves a shop and walks in your path by accident. In short, reacting – digging up old stories (parts) and playing them out in the present.

Parts therapy is not uncommon and we all kind of understand inner conflict (“part of me wants, x, another part of me wants y”) so it’s not indicative of pathology but just a natural process of how our complex brains function.

The goal of IFS is to unburden these parts so they can take on different roles and form, within you, a functioning and cohesive family (hence the family bit) with You (with a capital Y) taking the leadership role. Like a functioning family or company, everyone knows their role, everybody is happy with their role and the system is operating smoothly. A nice, ship-shape, happy, greasy-wheels system that works. A Swiss brain, if you will.

That’s a very very short version. If you want to learn more get Schwartz’s book, or listen to Tian’s podcast.

What’s this got to do with Daygame?

Here’s where it gets interesting. The You of IFS is known as your Higher Self. But how do you know if this higher self isn’t just another part? Well, in IFS, this self is characterised by “the 8C and 5Ps” – Compassion, Curiosity, Creativity, Confidence, Calm, Courage, Connection, Clarity, Patience, Persistence, Playfulness, Perspective, Presence. Chessily-coloured diagram below.

What’s the point here?

Well, I know of no better words to describe what you can become through daygame – and the qualities that grew in me at the height of my powers, many, many years ago. The presence and calm in set, the courage and confidence to approach, the creativity and playfulness to vibe and tease and go with the flow, the compassion and curiousity when you’re getting to know that person, the patience and persistence it takes to develop your interactions, the clarity of your purpose going in, the perspective of outcome independence and viewing the long game and – of course – the deep connection you make when all these qualities are in play.

The result of all of this? Take a look at the middle of the diagram… accessing your Higher Self.


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