Here are some books I recommend. Most of them are about freeing yourself from the shackles of your mind. Ironically, due to the language needed to communicate these ideas, we have to use the mind to understand before the freedom can take place. Shit.

If you have any recommendations for me drop me an email phil@gaydame.com

 

 

 

The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff

• Shows how our culture is insane because it systematically rips us apart from our innate evolved sense of wellbeing with its obsession with time and separation/individualism when that’s simply not how we’ve evolved. Helped me realise I’m not mad – I’m just a sane person who’s not quite able to adapt to this insanity.
• That the few tribal cultures around who are still sane and raised with their innate senses of wellbeing left intact will soon be killed off by nutters like us.

Rating: 10/10

Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton

• Taught me how the level of dishonesty inherent in our culture is making us sick. Turned out that being honest is both healthy and fun. Also taught me about moralism and hypocrisy, and how moral systems are innately immoral.
• Will transform your life as you start to drop the mask and see how she responds to it. Don’t confuse this with revealing your internal monologue to her – your internal monologue is bullshit, your being is not.

Rating: 10/10

Non-violent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg

• Not to listen to what people think when communicating, but instead to focus on their feelings and needs. This has helped a great deal in communication and increased empathy, when I remember to do it!
• Helps you to tap into feelings, rather than thoughts. Great for all stages of a relationship.

Rating: 10/10

 

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

• The realisation that time is – in fact – an illusion, so don’t worry too much about illusions (even though we live by them in our culture).
• How to focus on the quietness within my body in order to engage once again with reality and less in the delusions in my over-stimulated mind. This is gold in an interaction.

Rating: 9/10

The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin

• Depth over breadth – to get really into the meat of anything I’m doing and quality will emerge – true of learning anything along with quality of relationships
• Process over labels: realised that I had been labelled “a clever boy” so when I fail I go crazy because it doesn’t make sense – how can a clever boy fail? Had I been encouraged with process “well done you worked hard on that” over limiting labels, things could have been different… You can apply this to any discipline, including daygame.

Rating: 9/10

The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

• This had a profound impact on me, but I can’t remember why…
• It’s a very liberating book, I remember. Don’t know why though. Read it yourself.

Rating: 9/10

The Power of Eye Contact by Michael Ellsberg

• Helped me bring out and use my best feature to create more genuine and deeper connections with people. Eyes are the secret weapon.
• Brought out both my character charisma with colleagues and friends and sexual charisma with women.

Rating: 8/10

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Caldini

• Taught me about advertising and all the tricks used in influencing on a day-to-day basis.
• Made me more aware of when and how people are influenced – for example the social proofing in the London riots, and why companies give you a free gift, along with a host of other things.
• Allows you to bring this into your interactions to guide things where you want them to go!

Rating: 8/10

Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins

• Motion controls emotion – how your body and the way you use it is connected to your moods.
• The questions we ask ourselves – choosing language of more empowering questions, rather than the disempowering language we may have been bought up with.
• So much information in this book, I thoroughly recommend.

Rating: 8/10

People Skills by Robert Bolton

• How to communicate without judgement, to stick to facts and feelings rather than evaluations
• Got me to focus on body language, and made me aware of some unhelpful habits I had developed

Rating: 8/10

 

 

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

• Reclaiming some lost manhood – especially in terms of leadership, decisiveness and authenticity, a place I was once in!
• Made me much better at sex, because of the focus to the present moment and the feelings of my body, not the thoughts of my mind

Rating: 7/10

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey

• To create win/win scenarios in my life, so that I and everyone around benefit
• Seek to understand before being understood, you can’t have the latter without the former

Rating: 7/10

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers

• This was a useful slogan for a while, and it led to me “jumping in” to situations I otherwise may not have.
• Taught me the principle of “as if” or “fake it till you make it” – this has helped when I didn’t feel outgoing at parties but then pretended and I ended up embodying it

Rating: 7/10

 

Introducing NLP by Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour

• Helped me understand the path of “unconscious incompetence” to “unconscious competence” and taught me to stick at things more and enjoy the process
• I learned about language and how to use it, especially in generating desired emotions in others (hint hint, arousal).

Rating: 7/10

 

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

• In the concentration camps of Nazi Germany those who found meaning in the tiny things lived, those who didn’t died
• It’s an example of it’s not the circumstances; it’s the meaning you get from it that counts.

Rating: 7/10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quotes

Depth beats breadth every time ~ Josh Waitzkin, The Art of Learning

Whatever your main struggle is, it is insignificant in the face of your death; it is petty and unimportant and has no meaning at all. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. ~ Brad Blanton, Radical Honesty